Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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