are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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