he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
