Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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