Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
