I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
