Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
