I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
