Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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