the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
