Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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