hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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