she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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