Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
