I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
