I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I sprained my soul last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
