i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
