I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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