I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
