Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
