I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
