The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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