Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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