she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
