i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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