So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
