you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
time to smoke my breakfast
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
