I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
