Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
