I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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