Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He felt like a one man threesome
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
