Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
