And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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