I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
