She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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