sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
