I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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