I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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