Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
