just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
