I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
