I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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