Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
