Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
