This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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