wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
