I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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