At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The power of my boobs compel you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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