last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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