He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
