Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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