I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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