OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
