Sry I called you an 8
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
