Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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