The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize