Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
