why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
