hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
