after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
