It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
