Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
