That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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