I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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