This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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