Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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