Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
