I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
