my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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