So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
