Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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