i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
