Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
