dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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