my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
