You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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