So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
