Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
