If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
