i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
