I met the friendliest cop last night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
