And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
how drunk are you?
Several
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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