also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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