This is not my ceiling
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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