you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
