I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
