non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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