i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
