Do you still have your period?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this will be a night to untag.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
