Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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