I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
