I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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