It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
